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You could divide America in two, but when liberals screw up their half, they'll be coming for yours.

April 14, 2013

Two Americas

Hypothetically, since America is so polarized anyway, let’s just divide it in two. Liberals get half, conservatives get the other half. Liberal’s can do whatever they want with their country. Same with conservatives. Two sovereign countries.

Doesn’t really matter who gets what states, because one group will make something out of nothing if they have to, while the other group (not saying which) will waste and squander their portion no matter how many resources they have. Just let liberals pick, the way Abraham let Lot pick. However, out of consideration for the chemically impaired, liberals must take Washington State and Colorado, since many of its inhabitants will be too stoned to move out of their chairs, let alone out of their states.

Liberals should probably have D.C. too, since they will need lots of government buildings to house their big government. California, too. Conservatives will probably be happy to get out of there, since they are being taxed to death, and since their votes are always struck down by liberal judges anyway. And liberals should probably take New York. They can have Mr. Bloomberg. Mr. Trump might have to move out (though he seems to get along with everyone), but he’ll succeed no matter where he goes, so it doesn’t really matter.

OK, now we need a name for our two Americas.

Let’s call the liberal states, The Democrat People’s Republic of America (DPRA for short) – which like the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, is neither democratic or a republic.

Let’s call the conservative states... hum? I’ve got it! Let’s call them The United States of America, or USA for short. That will be easy to remember.

Setting up The United States of America will be pretty simple. We’ll just go by The Constitution of the United States of America. Wow, that was simple. But now we need to establish a government for the DPRA... hum, let’s see. A People OF the government, BY the government, and FOR the government. That was simple, too. Mr. Marx (that’s Karl, not Groucho) has already prepared your documents.

How do we determine citizenship in our two countries? We could let people decide for themselves. Most conservatives would chose to live in the USA. However, many liberals would chose to live in the USA also, because they already know their DPRA won’t work, taxes will be too high, personal property will eventually be confiscated, and entitlement programs will fail once the government runs out of other people’s money. Plus, liberals can’t really knock other liberals off their “high-horse,” so they would get terribly bored. So to avoid dishonestly, we’ll determine citizenship in our two countries by one’s prior voting record. That goes for politicians, too.

OK, who will be the dictator of DPRA? How about Obama? He’ll need lots of revenue to finance his big government. Of course, there won’t be anyone left of his ilk paying their fair share. They will all be in government, or out of money. Maybe he’ll just raise taxes on the middle-class. Oh, wait. It will be a “classless” society, so there won’t be a middle-class. There won’t be any money left either. It’s OK. There will still be hope and change. We’ll borrow some money from China, and deal with the problem latter. What? China won’t loan us money? OK, we’ll just print more, and give it away. See how easy that was? What do you mean no one else will honor our currency? What are they afraid of? A little insolvency? That’s OK, we don’t need anybody else.

Poverty? How can you complain? Especially newlyweds, Bill and Todd. You should consider it a privilege to suffer for the Great Democratic People’s Republic of America. Forget the debt, bonds, and taxes. The government will just confiscate all capital. Riots? Riot all you want. The government still has guns. Big ones. You don’t have any guns, just bottles. Small bottles, at that. No Big Gulp Molotov cocktails! You want out? Not possible. Show them what’s behind door number 2, Jay. How do you like... your new Iron Curtain!?!

What, the people are starving? How can that be? We still have plenty of food here at the Kreml... I mean, the Gray House. Shhh! Not so loud! Do you want more riots? Besides, the humanitarian aid all came from those stupid, naive, self-righteous bastards in the USA. We use what money we do have to build our army and nuclear weapons. But, we need stability. We need to solve this food problem. I’ve got it, we’ll threaten the USA with nuclear annihilation unless they give us more aid. Why won’t they believe us? Oh, because all the liberals are in our country. Well, we have a real problem, because unless our government can come up with a way to feed our people, the people are going to become conservatives!

Meanwhile, back in the good ole USA...

Maybe we’ll elect Mitt president. Sure, some will still be bitching because he’s a Mormon, but at least we’ll have a chance to grow the economy. Maybe we’ll be the world leader once again, and an example of how the free market and limited government works. We’ll still have the 2nd amendment. Not that we’ll need guns to defend ourselves against each other, but we’ll need them when the DPRA has squandered everything they have, and starts trying to sneak across our border. However, there will be a strong border, and there will be no immigration into the country, unless you have something to contribute other than your failed liberal ideology. You’ll have to leave that behind. If you want compassion, recognize that the reason you are immigrating is because your ideology doesn’t work, that’s why your country didn’t work, and that’s why you are coming to our country – because it WORKS!

Did I mention you’d be expected to work? Because, unlike DPRA, the USA will have jobs, but not government programs, except for those who really need them, like the elderly and disabled.

Would the USA be a “perfect” union? Of course not – just a continuance of the attempt at “a more perfect union.” There would still be those who want to force their views on you, rather than reason with you. But as long as there are reasonable people, and the constitution was defended, there would be a continuance of freedom. As long as individual rights were defended, and not group rights; as long as people were still free to speak and to educate, freedom would continue. Would things move back and forth from left to right? Sure. Would the Left eventually get a toe-hold, a foot-hold, and eventually a choke hold? Probably. Especially when success and prosperity are realized, and individuals forget why they have such abundance and freedom, and begin to abuse their freedom.

One thing for sure: Without the religion of government to subsidize and force them down people’s throats, parasitic systems will always wither and die. America can still be the greatest country on earth, unless it continues to foster tearing down the very principles that allow it to exist. Then it too will wither and die.

This example of two Americas may seem extreme to some, but the truth is, they already exist. Every time you vote, you decide which one will continue. Please consider this though: we are running out of time. Once the DPRA prevails, there will be no vote. Even liberals won’t be able to vote it back. There will be no USA left to go back to. How tragic.

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